I went to church this morning like a good little catholic girl even though I was mad at the world. I defendently got up on the wrong foot. My mom has been very negative about everything in my life mostly my wedding and about getting a new car. I was really upset and was really thinking about calling everyone up and telling them the wedding was off and then just go to the church just me, my bf and our witnesses. I was really questioning if I was doing the right thing. Should I be getting married? Am I being selfish to want to have a nice wedding? I didn't spend money on grade9 grad or my big grad and I didn't go to my convication becauseI knew I would end up spending extra money on that too. I really want to have my day that I don't have to think or worry about if people will notic I'm not rich. but anyways off topic.

Part of the reason I wanted to go to church was because I really needed God's guidence. My prayer was answered Loud and clear. I was not expecting that God tends to be a little more subtle than that. I'll explain...

So I'm having a really shitty day, my bf is a cranky (probably 'cause I'm being a bitch), my mom is also being bitchy (not sure if it was directed at me or not) and I have a tummy ache but off we all go to church. We get there late (no biggy they never start on time) and I see that Fr. Jim is not there that upsets me since he always has something encouraging to say to me and thats what I thought I needed.

The first song we sing is "As One" its one of my favorite church songs it really moves me spirtually it really sums up my religous beliefs. Its basicly "as one we walk with you our mother, As one we walk together" I started to get all misty which I do almost everytime I hear/sing it but this time it really overwhelmed me with emotion by the second verse I had burst into tears. I wasn't upset though I was happy; I got a feeling of acceptance of sorts. It's hard to explain but I really felt like God was telling me to follow my heart and have the wedding not just get married. The messege seemed so clear and to the point. Almost like he just slapped me in the face. So I guess he does have time for my little problems and is paying attention to me. It great to be reminded of his love for me. I was still kinda shaky for most of mass but I felt much better and calmer. I'm sure it must of been strange to around me since one minute I'm singing with the church the next I burst into tears for no apparent reason. But its not like I really know how to behave when you have a spirtual experence. I know this is not a big deal to anyone else but it got my attention and since I believe that was what he was aiming for he did a great job. I'm defendently listening now!